does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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