I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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