i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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