Your dad touched me again.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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