Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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