I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
