Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
