where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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