Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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