Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
