Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
