I'm going to jail i love you
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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