I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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