He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
