either way he was missing a nipple.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
