This girl is more easily done than said...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize