He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
