I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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