i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
