would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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