grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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