He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
