I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
