Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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