I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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