I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
