i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
