Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i wish my penis had a tongue
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
