then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
