D3 body, D1 cock
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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