Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
