instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
