I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
