I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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