Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize
