That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
