I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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