If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
