someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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