recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
did i walk over a car last night?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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