Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
