So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
