so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
