when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
