so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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