carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Need sex. Gaining weight.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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