i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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