Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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