I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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