I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
