There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
