I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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