areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
