Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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