Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
