the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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