well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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