Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
