Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The air was thick with penises
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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