That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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