That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
pray to the hookup gods
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize