i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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