Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i believe in u and ur pee
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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