with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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