So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
