are you still at the devil's house?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
