I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Found the puke drawer
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
