Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
