id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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