I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
